The Ultimate Race, part 3: Lost Soul
by leavingyouforme
Summary: Third part in my series. As an old friend visits who he longer considers as one, a doubt appears which will lead him into madness: Is Kadeem really no more? Rated as T because of great angst. Actually, my first angst one, so I need many reviews how it is.


_I always wanted to write a story about Kadeem and here it is! But it turned out very dark, but that's no surprise considering the theme I used as concept.__  
So if you like happy endings or don't want to read how people are suffering, then you should avoid this story! All others: Please R&R._

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**#3: Lost Soul**

Laughing maniacally as he looked up to the two drivers, he let himself fall down, waiting for the impact on the ground which was only several feet below.

'_You could have gone with them.'_  
He pushed the voice aside. As a drone, he didn't want the pity or help of humans. Besides, who said he needed to be rescued? He didn't fear death.  
When crashing against the ground, he would be destroyed, that was certain; but that wouldn't stop the Drones. Others, many others would follow him and fulfil his task to erase those filthy humans, like _he _had been erased before.  
An even more sinister smile appeared on his face. 'Kadeem is no more', he repeated what he had said only seconds ago, 'and so will be all of you then.'

Suddenly, he felt something, a familiar presence which he had been feeling since he was a drone, but never could define. For some reason, every time he sensed it, fear crept in his mind, although the presence was never hostile. No, it was warm and friendly, and it was this what scared him, because he _liked_ it.  
Just those filthy humans felt something foolish like sympathy or friendship. As a drone, he didn't have any such emotions, only loyalty to Gelorum and hate towards the humans! So, why did he _like_ this?! And why couldn't he shove it away anymore, like he had been used to before?

It got even worse when he realized he wasn't falling anymore, but hanging in the middle of the air, only harmless three feet above the ground; the world around him was put in a strange glow, lightening the usual dark twilight of the HQ. 'What is happening to me?', he screamed in panic and disbelief.  
No one heard him. The air seemed to refuse carrying his scream further and an echo never existed – he was in a complete void where actions didn't cause anything, because there was nothing to cause: To the real world, he was all but nonexistent in this moment. Still, there was some kind of reply. As if to answer him as the only one (or thing), the air in front of him began to shimmer. It melted and then formed again, just this time into something not transparent, but instead into something visible, something very _solid_. His eyes widened shocked as he realised what, no _who_ he was seeing now.

No, it couldn't be! How was it possible that this person, that exactly this man was here in front of him, like he had used to when he visited him during the World Race? He angrily narrowed his eyes. No, he had visited the human Kadeem, not the drone he was now. So what was the old fool doing here? Clenching his fists, he finally yelled all his now arisen anger at the other one: 'What do you want from me, old man?! Like Kurt, you are too late: Kadeem is gone and he will never return. So get off or I will turn you into shreds.'

'Are you so sure about that?', the blind man only replied, looking at him with his white, but nevertheless _seeing_ eyes. His answer was as so often not clear, held different meanings of what he really wanted to say and about what. This time, he understood to what the other one referred, though. 'Haven't you heard me, fool? I've said Kadeem is gone, there is only me left and I'm not in any way like this weak human before!'  
'So why I'm here then?', Haziz said calmly. Again he received only a question as an answer and it inflamed a new fire in him. How should he know why Haziz was here again?! Maybe the old man was just as stupid as Kurt and didn't want to see reality, see that he had changed.

_'Only changed? I thought you were a completely other person than Kadeem.' _  
'SHUT UP!!', he yelled in his mind. No way he could let it happen that this voice continued to talk on. He just couldn't!  
'_Why are you all of a sudden so angry?'_, the much too humanlike voice said, _'If it's true that you're not him anymore, there's no need to be upset when others doubt it – even yourself.'_

'I said SHUT UP!', he screamed now aloud.  
'_Actually, you are so proud to be a drone, but let's be honest:_ _You can't be one, because your body is partially still organic and that makes you in reality a cyborg. But then, you are neither the one nor the other, not human, not machine-'_  
He howled desperately as the voice in his head went on.

'_But because you're here, it means you're not nothing. Or maybe you are just imagining to be here.'_  
'STOP IT!'  
'_You said Haziz doesn't see reality…'_

For the first time since weeks, he found the need to cry in despair. As he realised that he had no longer the ability to shed tears, he finally understood what he had lost when he had refused Kurt's hand.  
'_Does this mean therefore you're not real? If you are yet, you should be able to answer one que__stion.'_  
Rescue wasn't a chance he would ever get again.

' – _What are you then?'_

The pain lingering in his subconscious raged and roared and took finally its stead in his mind; now that its voice, which had tried to reach him since he had become a Drone, had told him the truth, he could no longer surpress the human feelings he had denied to hold as a drone. A primal wail escaped his throat as the memories took over, as he remembered, as he bleeded, choked, cried again and asked his gods why nobody helped him.

During the whole time, Haziz regarded him quietly, never showing emotion while watching the desperate outbursts of the man; however, inside he wished nothing more than to help him: To see his friend suffer, because of the terrible things which had happened to him, because of his denial, because of his soul having been torn apart, pained Haziz more than anything he had ever endured. But he couldn't do anything.  
Kadeem was lost in himself, darkness choking, strangling, drowning him. The chance to escape was low, because he was already to deep dragged under. But if he didn't realise the truth on his own and fought the darkness, he would _never_ find back.

'So why I'm here?'

Haziz hold not the power to help him, however. Kadeem had to accomplish his way alone.

'And if you're right there is just you left-'

Haziz was only the guide to show him the door to that way, nothing less, nothing more. But this would Haziz do the best way he could –

'that you aren't Kadeem anymore…'

– even if it meant to push Kadeem even deeper down into the hell of his own mind as he already was.

'…who _are_ you _then_?'

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_When I saw how Kadeem fell down in Ultimate Race, I couldn't help but remember the end of World Race: We never saw Gelorum being destroyed and she really appeared again; we never saw alike that Kadeem hit the ground.  
Gelorum had only few great moments in World Race, but she returned in AcceleRacers just the greater. Now Kadeem was tortured by the drones, then turned into one himself and finally fell from a high building into the deep, but he still got only two greater appearences during the show, and we shall never see him again? You've gotta be kidding.  
_

_I also wrote this oneshot to explain a few things that bothered me, because I cannot imagine that Kadeem as a human is really gone, but neither that he stayed unscarred by his experiences. The 'drone' just surpressed the weakened human and that's why Haziz hadn't been able to appear, because the drone had been too strong then - until Kurt's pleading for him to return snapped its control by 'waking' Kadeem, even just a little bit.  
Like I said it in the story, it's up to Kadeem if his mind will return or the Drone's one stay in control. At least saved Haziz him from crashing, so that there's still hope for him.  
_

_I don't own AcceleRacers, though I wish I did._


End file.
